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Writer's pictureEric Tangumonkem, Ph.D.

What are you sacrificing your marriage for?



What are you willing to sacrifice so that your health and marriage can be revitalized and energized?

If you are already having success in these areas, there is always room for improvement. Do not forget that the way you remain at the top is to continue learning and growing.

There is no neutral ground; you are either growing or dying. Your marriage is either getting stronger or weaker, and the same goes for your health.

This is not an attempt to place you under pressure, but we are stating the obvious and hoping to provide the way forward for your marriage.

Are you going to sacrifice your marriage for a can of soda? You may think that this question is ridiculous, but your actions reveal where your priorities are. Maybe the doctor just told you that your blood glucose is too high, and you have to cut back on your sugar intake. If you don’t, your health is going to continue deteriorating. Before this doctor’s visit, you have read a couple of books on the dangers of consuming sugar and having a sedentary lifestyle. You have even listened to podcasts and audiobooks and watched programs in which various experts have come to the same conclusion:

If you want to be healthy and vibrant, you have to reduce your portion size and start exercising regularly.

You and your spouse have had a discussion about your weight and eating habits, as well as the negative impact of drinking sugary drinks and not exercising. But maybe it has been tough for you to stop drinking sugary drinks because the temptation is just too strong. There is something in you that wants to give up sugar, this part of you screams so loudly that you must listen to it and satisfy the craving.

The struggle is real, and we may even use the word addiction to describe what you are going through.

Something is telling you that it is impossible to live without sugar and that there is nothing wrong with it. Sugar must be okay because it is found in many foods and drinks that are sold these days.

In addition to sugar being readily available, many other people drink and consume sugar-loaded beverages and foods. Therefore, how can so many people be on the wrong path? The list of justifications and questions can go on and on.

But there is just one question for you, and it is: how are your health and your marriage doing?

If they aren’t great, the next question is: will you continue on the current path? If the answer is yes, what is the expected outcome?

You do not need to be a genius or prophet to see the handwriting on the wall. It is crystal clear that your health and sex life will continue to deteriorate, and eventually, they will completely disappear, and with it, your marriage if care is not taken.

We are not trying to be harsh here, but we are obligated to say it like it is. You have prioritized food and drink and a sedentary lifestyle over the well-being of your marriage, and this is not good. How else can you explain why you have refused to add exercise to your life and eliminate the sugary drinks in your diet? Can you come up with one good reason to explain why you’re ignoring all the warnings from doctors, experts, and your spouse?

It is not enough to keep insisting, “This is the way I am, and it is my life, and I do what I want.”

That would be true if you were not married! But it seems you have forgotten that, since you became married, your life is no longer yours, and you cannot claim ownership over it. There is no other way to put it.

Selfishness has no place in marriage, so stop being selfish.

It is time for you to acknowledge that you are on the path to destroying your life and marriage. When you admit that you are in deep trouble, you have to reach out and accept the available help. It is imperative that you do whatever it takes to turn your life around. If it means going to rehabilitation, then you must. You can no longer continue hiding behind justification like, “This is the way we are in my family. We are all big and like eating our greasy, sugary, and salt-loaded foods. We just like our foods deep-fried, and pork chops are a must.” You can add all the other excuses you have been giving to justify why change is impossible.

We have only one word of advice to you: it is time to get down from that high horse and do what is not only right for you, but for your marriage and overall quality of life.

The buck stops with you, and it is high time you wake to the reality that you are in a relationship. It is not only impractical but impossible and totally unacceptable to continue speaking and acting as if you are single. Marriage comes with some responsibilities, including having sex with each other, managing your money well, and taking care of your health. Therefore, you cannot choose food and a sedentary lifestyle over fulfilling this crucial aspect of your marriage.

Therefore, choose what you are willing to die for: your marriage, or junk food and lack of exercise?

As dramatic as this may sound, this is a decision you have to make on a daily basis. When you get up each day, you have to choose whether to go out and exercise for your marriage. Each time you are tempted to drink some sugary drink, you have to choose water and your marriage, or the can of soda. You may be screaming out now that you will never sacrifice your marriage on the altar of food and drink and a sedentary lifestyle. But actions speak louder than words. What you do at the end of the day reveals what truly matters to you, and it determines the outcome you get.

Are you going to continue the path of poor health, impotence, and erectile dysfunction, or will you get on the path of good health and exercise? When you get on this path of regular exercise and healthy eating, there is the potential that your overall health and marriage are going to not only change but be revolutionized.

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